Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
