hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
