Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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