I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
