Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
