these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
