when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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