Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Actions speak louder than pants.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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