How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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