god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
bring money and cleavage
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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