Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Im part way to drunk.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
