If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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