There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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