she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
