Betty ford says i'm here all night
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
