Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
