I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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