Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Randomize
