Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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