I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
The beer is more important than you right now.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Randomize
