Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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