I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Pants are for mortals
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
