Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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