He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
