i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Randomize
