checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
