what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
