What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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