Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
