YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
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i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
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I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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