he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
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