I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
