whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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