So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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