Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Is it penis luge time yet?
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Randomize
