Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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