i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
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