Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
