My sheets look like a crime scene.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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