If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Randomize
