I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
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