The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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