if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
