Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
