I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
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I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
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God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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