she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
