you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
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