she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
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My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
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MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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