I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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