How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
