I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
