First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
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