If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
