youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
