I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
