those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
