do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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