can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
