you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
