ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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