dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
